____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
