I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
