the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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