The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
