Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Congratulations! We have a period
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
