hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Your cock deserves a montage
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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