her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
