just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
