So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
