My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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