You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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