My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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