I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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