i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
