I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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