There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
