I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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