Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
