I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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