could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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