i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
