This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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