The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
