Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
