8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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