If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
