if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
