I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
