You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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