I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
