I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
