There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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