id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
