Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
two words...techno handjob
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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