There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
