Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
