I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
