i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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