I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
