she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
