i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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