i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
