how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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