Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dignity is for republicans.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
