My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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