I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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