did you get engaged???
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
