I think my fart just growled at me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
