well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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