it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
