Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
