We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
