I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
