No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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