I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
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Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i think my cat just said my name.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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