Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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