i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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