so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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