How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
